Or, How to Make Friends at Church When 98% of the Women There are Stay at Home Moms and You are Not.
I no longer have friends at church. I have great friends, just not any church friends, and for whatever reason, this bothers me. (Okay, I admit it - it's partially all the pictures and posts I see with cute kids and happy moms at play dates or park groups. I wish I could be there, too, but I just can't!) That said, I realize the root of the problem is that I work full time and the vast majority of the other women in my congregation who are in my demographic are stay at home moms. I know at least a few of you out there have experience as working moms, so please feel free to share any advice!
My possible reactions, as I see them:
1. Forget about them. Who needs friends at church anyway?
This does not seem particularly aligned with the whole love of Christ thing, however, so I'm guessing this is not my best option. Besides, I don't like being frustrated all the time.
2. Move my membership to the Spanish ward.
Previous experience has taught me I'd most likely be in an overall warmer, more friendly environment, but this feels like running away rather than facing my problem.
3. "Forget myself and go to work."
Fulfill my callings and serve to the best of my capability while tending my existing (non-church) friendships. Obviously this would help me feel a bit better, but it still doesn't address the whole no-friends-at-church thing.
Friendship requires an investment of time. I have NO time. If I'm not at work, working, I'm at home - working. I'm also coming off six weeks of non-stop calamity. Seriously, we're talking two weeks of sickness raging through the family, Robb throwing his back out and being unable to move, Ren poking me in the eye with his toothbrush and half-blinding me for a week, and round two of major stomach flu, with Robb still not fully recovered as far as his back is concerned. And while all that was going on, I'm trying to keep a grip on the housework. Whether or not it's true, I feel like if I slack off, nothing gets done around here. (Meaning that even if I don't feel like it, I have to make myself clean in order to get the rest of the crew on board.) At any rate, you can see I have plenty of time to lavish on growing and nurturing new friendships.
I know I'm not the only working mom who's dealing with this insanity, so please tell me what coping strategies you have in place. How do you balance interpersonal fulfillment with working full time and your family's needs?
Blessed
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2 comments:
No words of wisdom from me but I can commiserate. I have zero friends at church (and I'm attending the ward I grew up in so at least I have a bunch of acquaintances). I can also say I've made little to no effort. Being in primary for the entire time I've been in this ward doesn't really help the situation either. Ideally I would have close friends in my ward but I think its just more important to have good friends wherever you can find them and no matter how far away ;)
Ok, I've thought about this a little bit more. What if the other women at church think similar things as you? "She works full-time, what do we have in common?" "She's gone all day, I'm sure she doesn't want to do something after work." "I'm so boring; I have nothing to talk about." I tell you, when I was staying at home with Lily, I felt this way. How did I relate to my friends that worked? I felt like I couldn't. And I felt like I didn't really relate to my SAHM friends, because they had multiple kids, and actually seemed to like staying at home (I'll be honest, I didn't love it). But, I forged ahead and made friends. There are always commanalities somewhere. And sometimes you need to be the initiater. That's the hard part. But the more you do it, the more you'll be included in stuff. Because those who stay at home need an escape just as much as the ones who do not. Perhaps more. Stop thinking about how different you are, and start looking for the areas of common interest. You might be just as intimidating to them as they are to you, but everyone likes friends, no matter what.
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